Lipgloss & Mascara

I Need A Hero!

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 23:30:31 GMT

Does it seem wrong to anyone else that the only human traits the media wants to flaunt are our shortcomings and failures, painting a vivid mental template of mistrust and insecurity for all of us to hold as the standard? : Betrayal, dishonesty, jealousy, infidelity- combine with a warm and accepting environment where everything bad is justified with fear-filled acrylic smiles, every one a politician worried that a single controversy (and by controversy I mean, a controversy against the controversy) might lose them valuable constituents, so they pay lip service to the god of self-service, in a world where saints have become evil incarnate for so much as suggesting the notion of a thing called "wrong."

To what end?

They're peddling fear, and we're not only subscribing to it as though it were an almanac laid out for the rest of our lives, but we're trying it on like cheap perfume and peddling it right back to each other. If I could eliminate one human emotion it would be fear. Maybe not doubt, because we wouldn't want to be TOO gullible now, would we? But God damn! ... where Have all the good men (and women for that matter) gone? I know they're out there. So where's their spotlight? Why do we love negative affirmation so much? .... I can't even watch t.v. anymore. It just makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a garden tool. hah, not really, but some vague resemblance to it. Comedy Central and The History Channel ALL THE WAY BABY! OORAH!!! -MTV can kiss my kumquat <---(Seriously though... that poor fruit!)

~Pineapple Jacuzzi Ninja-Stomp

And we wage perpetual war for perpetual peace....

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 01:42:36 GMT

So useless. Such a game. Everything comes full-circle 'til you're right back where you began. Running away always seemed the solution to any problem, but they follow you. And why? Because you ARE the problem.

When I was little, one of the many (here the word many can be nominated for "biggest understatement of the year") bizarre fantasies I came to believe was that the world around me, and everyone in it, was nothing but a simulation: a game to see how I would react to the elements. Sometimes I still feel like that, and who knows? Maybe I'm not so far off the mark. But running to anywhere remains the biggest joke, because at the basest of levels it's all the same. There's nothing to get away from but yourself, and when you think of it like that, the world seems pretty damn small. Even though there are billions of places I will never visit, I can't escape the thought that... it's all so finite. So limited. There really IS only so far away you can travel before you're headed back home. It kills me. (Get me outta this place....)

About the Author

Sat, 18 Dec 2004 02:35:13 GMT

That was actually the title of a fiction novel I wanted to write once about a compulsive liar, written in an autobiographical type way. Who knows though. Maybe if I can keep a steady journal I might attempt to turn out a book or two one of these days, just to say I've been there, done that, and added it to the check-list of life. But for starters I think I'll just write about my life right now...

I'm 19. I quit school back at the end of September. I was training to be a massage therapist- an impulsive decision, like most of the choices in my life- and yet I would do it all over again. Both joining and dropping out. Because the beginning parts were worth it, but the ending just wasn't, and I stand firmly by that. The rest of my classmates will be graduating this Saturday, and I guess it's too much to ask of anyone to not play the, "Hey! that could've been you!" card at every opportunity, so I'm learning to ignore them. It obviously means more to them then it ever did to me anyways, so they can keep their proverbial sentiments about the right way to do things. At least I've got the balls to about-face IN everyone's face when I learn exactly what it is that I don't want out of life. ...Even if my boyfriend doesn't see it like that. (I guess that's the part that sucks the most). "And all we have is time..."

I basically paid $10,000 to learn not to rush into anything that costs $10,000 for reasons like, "I'm bored," <--always a good one, and, "everybody expects me to do something so it might as well be this." But on a serious note, I really did learn a few things that made it worth the money. Like how to dissect medical terminoligy so that it makes sense, and a crapload (yeah, that's a metric thing) of stuff about muscles. I learned that I am infatuated with muscles, and sculpting them to make bodies beautiful, because that's really all I was day-dreaming about through all of the other classes. But most importantly, I met a teacher who never stops teaching, because he understands that the whole world is a lesson, has been everywhere, done everything, and can't wait to teach anybody {who's willing} how to do it. And I would've paid well over $10,000 for that alone, because I live for such people.

In Other News

My boyfriend [Jake] of 10 months now is a PFC in the Marine Corps, fresh out of boot camp, and awaiting training down in North Carolina. And while he's busy saving the world, I wait here patiently, at home with my parents and four brothers. Every other wednesday I go out with Jake's mom to house clean, and the rest of my time is spent transporting various family members to all of the important activities in their lives. I should have a job soon working at Movie Gallery. I'm pretty excited about the free rentals as a benefit (as if there isn't enough gaming going on in this house already). I have friends, I just never see them. The ones I like most are relatively far, and I don't own a vehicle- nor do I want to at present.

So that's me right now. It makes a good enough spring-board, but it really is like an intro in the middle of the song. Oh well. There'll be plenty of time for back-tracking later. So, ~later

Put the Intro in the Middle of the Theme Song

Sat, 18 Dec 2004 01:37:12 GMT

I've decided to start keeping a journal. Partially because I'd like to remember more things (Lord knows I don't do that so well), partially because I'd like to see if I can identify behavioral and emotional patterns about myself, and partially because it's just a healthy thing to do. Why on earth you would want to read this decoupage of listless ramblings, I couldn't imagine. But here are my stories; real, imagined, or hybrids of time-tempered senility, I will put them here. And we'll just see what all the hype is about.